In the interest of raising mental health awareness, I decided to write a blog that is deeply personal to me and my family. I’ve been putting off writing it, dismissing the idea of laying it all out there.
I’m not into big public displays of emotion. It’s not my style but I do feel this is important.
I love someone who suffers from depression and anxiety. I’m not going to go into details because it’s not my story to tell. What I would like to do is offer my own story and what’s it’s like loving someone who finds it hard to love themselves.
It can be really difficult. When he was at his lowest, I also felt at my lowest. I blamed myself. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I make him happy? I must need to try harder.
I realise now, it’s nothing that I do or don’t do. It just…is.
After admitting to his struggles and finally seeking help, his low days are fewer and farther between, for which we are both thankful. He has found cognitive behavioural therapy so helpful, along with medication. Therapy is also an option which can be so beneficial (check out thrivetalk.com for more information.)
Despite the improvement, the bad days can still come. I know him so well. I know immediately when he is battling with something. His need to clean when he is anxious. The subtle changes in his body language. How he buries himself away when things become too much.
His struggle is my struggle. We’re a team. If I can help in any way I will. Sometimes it’s trying to remove outside stresses. It’s reminding him to eat regularly as we’ve noticed that has an effect. It’s giving him “quiet time” when he’s working through something, which can be tricky with three young kids in the house!
Sometimes he needs tough love. But sometimes just good old regular love is enough.
He needs reassurance. He needs to know that even when he was at his lowest, I was there.
Do the difficulties make me love him any less? God no. It makes me love him more. He’s strong. He’s a survivor.
His bravery in seeking help despite worrying about the stigma associated with it, is inspiring.
I’ve found the most important thing is to listen. To be there when he needs to let it all out. But also to give him space when he needs it.
I can’t imagine how terrible it must be to live with depression and anxiety every day. When every day is a battle. It’s heartbreaking to watch someone you love battle their demons.
Would it be easier loving someone without depression and anxiety. Possibly. Would my life be as fulfilled and full of love? Definitely not.
As I’ve said to him in the past, with three young kids in the house, it can be like a war zone at times. But there’s nobody else I’d rather go to battle with.
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Thanks for this. I struggle with depression and anxiety and I know it is not the easiest for my family to live with.
i can imagine that it must be very difficult to love someone with depression and anxiety. I have friends that suffer from depression and I see how hard it can be for them.
Such a great post especially today ? It’s great to read it from another prospective and wonderful how supportive you are! X
This was a great post and I appreciate the perspective. It isn’t often that you see the issue from the other side. As someone who struggles greatly with depression and anxiety I wonder what it is like from my husband’s point of view. Although, I never really ask…how do you ask something like that? Sometimes I think he is just indifferent to it, like I am the way I am and there is nothing he can do about it.
It is well, he is lucky to have someone like you who cares and understands. May God continue to give you the grace to be that woman for him in difficult times.
Such a personal post, interesting to read from the point of view of loved ones. It sounds like you're doing a fantastic job and finding the right balance for your family :)
This is such a lovely and personal post, it must be so hard loving someone with depression and anxiety I know I sometimes wonder how my other half puts up with me and my mental health.
This is such a helpful article! I think we all know someone closely or from a distance that has these struggles, if not ourselves. Thank you for sharing. ??
Kudos to you. Nowadays people seem to forget this whole loving-someone-no-matter-what thing.
Thank you for sharing this....I admire you both for getting the care that he needed and you for showing love and support!