As I write this we’re approaching our fourth week of lockdown here in the UK. It’s so strange knowing we’re living through a moment of history. Something our grandchildren, and our children’s grandchildren will read about. We’re following the government’s orders and are staying in other than a daily walk and shopping for essentials.
I’ve been going out for the shopping alone, and I’m at work two days a week as a key worker in a pharmacy so I’m still seeing the outside world. Although if truth be told, I’d much prefer to be able to stay in and stay safe and not venture out at all.
It’s been particularly strange for the kids. The younger two are handling it as well as can be expected but my 11 year old is finding it quite hard. Last week I walked into the kitchen and found him stood there in tears. I put my arms around him and he stood there and sobbed. When he was calmer I asked what was wrong and he said “I don’t even know. I feel stupid for crying”.
I assured him it was completely ok to feel however he was feeling. I’ve had my ups and downs these past few weeks too and I think it’s important he feels comfortable enough to let out his emotions. His last day of primary school was a strange one, he spent his birthday indoors and he’s missing his friends. Just as he was starting to gain some independence, it was cruelly snatched away from him. I can understand how frustrating the whole situation must be for him.
The younger two have had their own wobbles, from missing school and friends to wanting to see their grandparents. My five year old seems to ask on a daily basis whether the park is back open. They all have their own struggles and worries to deal with.
Here are some ways we can help look after our children’s mental health during such an uncertain time.
Talk to them and find out what they know. They may have heard snippets from friends, the news and listening to adult conversations and not fully understand what they’re hearing. It’s important they understand why we need to stay in and to give them the facts without overwhelming or scaring them. Josie from Me, Them and The Others agrees – “I think it’s really important to make sure they know that facts about the situation and haven’t picked up misinformation that is making them unnecessarily anxious.”
I’ve been encouraging the children to discuss how they feel and attempting to reassure them. Kate from Refined Prose finds journaling a great help. “We’re in such an unusual and unique situation that it can be hard to know the right approach to take; all children are individual and will have their own specific struggles. We’ve been journaling as it helps me to see exactly what needs addressing, without the pressure of big/formal discussions. My daughter writes and draws about whatever she wants to, and I view it as a window into her mind which guides me as to how to best support her.”
Emma Reed believes letting them make their own choices can help. “Allowing them to choose or have a say in what activities we do each day. My son has had good days and bad days and on those bad days I’ve let him take more control which usually results in more computer games! BUT I don’t mind if it helps him to switch off from what’s going on right now and helps him to relax.”
Kids can also get tired of doing arts and crafts and watching movies. Keep things interesting by doing something fun and different once in a while. Here’s a unique idea: a home quarantine awards ceremony.
Organise your very own Met Gala. Everyone gets to dress up to the nines, pose like celebrities, get your pictures taken. (You can take turns pretending to be paparazzi.) Everyone gets to perform a dance or song number or something else too. You can take it up a notch by getting customized plaques or trophies for everyone. The kids are guaranteed to love it!
I’m constantly hearing my children say “I wish we could do…” and it’s hard to see them so frustrated. Therefore every time we think of something we would like to do but can’t, we write it down and create our very own post lockdown bucket list. From little things like seeing Gran and Grandad or going to the park, to bigger things like going back to Disneyland Paris. Obviously we won’t be able to tick everything off straight away but it’s a great way to focus on life after all this.
I know as an adult I’m having up and down days during all this. I’ll have days where I feel I’m on top of things and I feel positive, and then others where I feel really emotional. I can’t even imagine having to juggle all these emotions, fears and anxieties as a child. I’m trying to remember when they’re acting up and deliberately being awkward to cut them some slack. It could just be their way of expressing how they’re feeling. If one of them is behaving in an unusual way, that’s the time to try and talk to them or, failing that, get them outside for a change of scenery.
Getting the kids to exercise is a great way of lifting their mood. Playing in the garden if you can, skipping, kicking a ball about, egg and spoon race – anything that gets their little hearts beating faster. If you’re limited to inside the house the Joe Wicks sessions are brilliant and great fun for the kids.
We’re lucky we have a garden the kids can play in. Jenny at Monkey and Mouse recommends “finding activities they can do in the garden independently. It helps to keep them from fighting and they enjoy the fun of making their own creations.” Just letting them run around and burn off some steam, playing football or spraying each other with water guns can turn a dreary day into a fun one.
We’ve found just being outside our four walls can help so we’ve been making sure to take our daily walks. It’s been fun to explore the nature around where we live where usually we would have gone further afield. Lianne at Anklebiters Adventures also finds that being outdoors can help – “Loads of fresh air and freedom locally does the world of good and gives them something to look forward to every day.”
I’ve been trying to encourage the kids to think positively. It’s disappointing our holidays have been cancelled and they’re missing their friends and extended family so it’s easy to feel a bit fed up. While it’s good to acknowledge those feelings, we’ve also been trying to focus on the positives and things we are grateful for, anything from the NHS to iPads! The kids can draw, write or simply discuss what they’re thankful for and it can help negate some of the disappointment they’re experiencing at the moment.
The first week the kids were off school was the most challenging for me. I was attempting to juggle home schooling, housework, working in the pharmacy and keeping on top of my blog and I just felt so overwhelmed. Our own mental health is also so important right now (and always!)
Jodie at Maidenhead Mum is also looking after her own mental health to support her children. “I’ve had to make sure that my own mental health is good and as stable as can be so I’m not losing my temper with them and can support them properly. The best way to do that is to be kind to ourselves and not feel pressured to be homeschooling, a loving parent and work from home too. We are being flexible about what we can do and that means it’s easier for my kids to come and talk to me.“
I know a lot of parents don’t like their children having too much screen time but during this lockdown I’m much more relaxed about it. Our tween in particular is missing his friends and that social contact and so if he can communicate with his friends through games, so be it. Emma from The Mini Mes And Me is also allowing more screen time than usual. “Ensuring my children keep in touch with friends is really helping to keep them happy, even if it means more screen time than I would normally allow. Whether they’re texting/on WhatsApp or chatting through their gaming headsets it’s keeping them connected and making them feel less alone.”
I think that’s what it’s all about really. Ensuring they don’t feel isolated and alone. I’m welcoming anything that makes their lives easier at the moment!
Have you any tips to share to make lockdown a little easier? Let us know in the comments.
Disclaimer : This is a collaborative post.
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So important to think about their mental health as well as their physical health during this time. Encouraging open conversations is always good at any time. Allowing them the chance to say whatever it is that they feel, worried about etc. without fear of judgement.
It's all a bit of a nightmare trying to do everything. I'm trying to get mine out for walks a few times a week around work. It's not easy but has to be done. I need the hubby to do more. Just got him to sit with number 3 to help him do his work as I'm struggling to do it all. I would say delegate if you can. You risk a breakdown yourself otherwise.
I can imagine that the lockdown can be very hard on children and on especially teens who are used to being with their friends all the time. It's enough to think at how we are feeling and imagine how they feel and how this lockdown affects their mental health.
Thanks for these tips. As adults we face so much stress and being in lockdown does not help but we need to remember that children are the same and although they may not say it they may be scarred and pressured by the current situation.
Some really helpful tips. It is easy to forget that this situation is just as hard for the kids who've had to deal with so much going on in such a small amount of time!
Some excellent advice, its hard enough for many people out there dealing with whats going on, with anxiety,depression etc.. all something that people are dealing with at the same time, theres a variety of people with health and mental health issues that must be finding this a massive struggle and taking everyday as it comes, fantastic article
I love spending time in my garden too at the moment and I think it's really important for us all to spend time outdoors. It always has a direct beneficial impact on my mental health.
We've been so thankful for our garden and don't know what we would have done without it! It really is a safe safe for kids and adults in this household. Having open discussions and not putting too much pressure on with school work is helping us get through x
I have found that too much screen time is detrimental to my son's behaviour so we have made sure we have spent lots of time outside. We have also arranged some zoom calls with friends which has helped too
Some very good points raised here especially about being relaxed about screen time and allowing them to contact their friends