Happy new year!
I know it gets said a lot but gosh this year has gone fast! It seems with every year that passes, the quicker the time goes. My children are another year older; each of them is developing at a rate I’m struggling to keep up with.
My eldest, my clever, inquisitive little J, will be nine in 2018. Nine. This terrifies me! He already finds me completely embarrassing and I find myself doing a double take at some of the more mature things he comes out with. He takes his job as eldest sibling very seriously and despite having a few behavioural issues at school, I’m proud of him on a daily basis. I swear this kid will change the world one day.
My middle child, my youngest boy, will be 7. I refuse to accept this! My gentle, affectionate little B will be moving out of the infants and into the juniors. My baby who still goes to sleep cuddling his stuffed bunny will be leaving the world of nativity plays and painting behind, and moving into a world of structure and educational targets. In my heart he will always be my two-year-old little shadow dragging his teddies behind him, .
2018 is the year my youngest baby (and my last) starts nursery. This makes me feel excited and desperately sad in equal measures. It will be the first time in nine years that I won’t have a baby or young child at home all week with me. In that way I’m looking forward to it! Think what I can accomplish when I’m not in work! I can write in peace. I can tidy the house. I can cook without a toddler clinging to my leg. I can watch crap daytime TV and eat a biscuit in perfect solitude! (I’ll let you decide which of these options is the most realistic!)
But then the reality of it sets in. My baby is growing up. She’s already fiercely independent and fearless, and I know the structure and routine will do her good, but I’m going to miss my tiny little dictator. My mini me. The girl who can make me cry with frustration in one moment and then make me forget it all when she comes over for a cuddle. She’s ready for nursery, but the question is, am I? I’m reminded of a poem I read about how our children are a little less dependent on us, a little less ours, when they start their formal education. I’ve seen it before with the boys to know this is true.
As A starts nursery it feels like a chapter of my life is closing and its a bittersweet feeling. My primary job for the last 9 years has been “mum“ and although I know that is never going to change, it’s nice to be able to consider what I want to do next. 2017 gave me the kick up the behind I needed to start this blog. I know in 2018 I want to write more. I want to use my brain again! I’ve always loved writing, even if nobody was reading it, and I’m so pleased I now have this little outlet for my incessant ramblings.
2017 has been a mixed bag for us. We have had sadness, we have had joy, we have had accomplishments and we have made memories. We have lost members of our extended family. We have gained new members (albeit in canine form!)
I won’t be particularly sad to see the end of 2017. Out with old and in with the new.
In terms of resolutions, I’m adopting a similar approach to Christmas (as I wrote about here), in that I’m taking the pressure off. I’m not setting unrealistic targets that I’m never going to complete. I refuse to set myself up for failure. I would like to be more organised so I’m focusing on that and hopefully with that everything else will fall into place.
We have a few things to look forward to already in 2018. We are starting the new year with a family trip away for a few days to try to combat the post-Christmas blues. December will bring around our 10th wedding anniversary and we plan to try to have a break away for that too to mark the occasion. I’m also looking forward to February when my lovely unassuming husband has been nominated for an Unsung Hero award through work. He hates the limelight and any kind of fuss but I’m hoping just the nomination will be enough to boost his confidence. He has come along way this year in terms of his mental health and perhaps that’s our biggest accomplishment this year.
New years night will find us in our pyjamas, with a takeaway and a film and I can think of nothing better.
I hope you all have a happy new year and 2018 brings you everything you hope for.