So, I turned 32 yesterday. Not too sure how that happened! As I said to my friend last night, in my head I’m still the 16 year old having a sleepover and crushing on Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You.
I wrote in my Wingin’ It post how despite having a husband, kids, mortgage etc, I still feel like I’m pretending to be an adult. When I was young, grownups in their 30s seemed so mature and together. They were knowledgeable and organised and basically had their s**t together.
I feel like I am none of these things! And this seems common in my friends of a similar age. Is it a generational thing? Or on reflection, perhaps the previous generation felt exactly the same? Maybe our parents never actually felt like they had it all together, despite their appearance to the outside world.
However, there are things I have learnt now I’m the grand old age of 32. I’ve stopped comparing myself to others. They may have a bigger house and a fancier car, but they don’t have my husband and my kids so I would never want to trade. They may be super organised and never forget to send in their kids homework, but being ditzy and disorganised is who I am. It’s part of my charm 😉
I’ve become to accept who I am. Newly acquired wrinkles and all. It’s quite a relief to have that acceptance. I’m probably always going to wish I was more patient or more organised (or thinner!) but I no longer let it shape me as a person. I am what I am, as the Gloria Gaynor classic goes!
The one thing that worries me about getting older, is that it means my kids are getting older too! My eldest will soon be nine, whilst my youngest will be three and starting preschool/nursery. Where have the years gone? THAT is scary to me.
My kids are my proudest accomplishment. They’re not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but all three seem to be turning into lovely little people. My eldest actually wrote this inside the birthday card he made for me. For a grumpy little thing, he can also be the sweetest little thing! Plus who doesn’t enjoy feeling “epreshiated?!”
When my youngest starts preschool it will be the first time in nine years I won’t have a child at home with me all day on my days off work. I always worried that when this time came, I’d start getting broody for number four. I was broody throughout all of my twenties and did worry that the feeling would never leave. Thankfully it has! My heart and house are both full and I’m actually looking forward to having a bit of me time. Whether it is to actually work on my blog in peace, or just be able to pop to the shops alone, it’s these little luxuries that I look forward to.
Self-care is something that I really do neglect. Between juggling the family, the housework, my day job and now this blog, I do sometimes forget to look after myself. I can’t remember the last time I had my hair done, or my nails and my eyebrows are in serious need of shaping. I haven’t read a book in a while which, as a bookworm, is very unlike me but I just don’t seem to find the time. My husband regularly tells me to go and treat myself, or book in to have my hair done, but I find on the rare occasions I don’t have a child attached to me, the last thing I feel like doing is sitting in a salon. I want to lie on the couch and binge-watch episodes of The Middle whilst eating biscuits.
But when having that child free time is a weekly occurrence I am much more likely to actually get myself sorted. Hopefully then I will start looking more like a real human being and less like a zombie from The Walking Dead.
By the way, is it terrible that I am looking forward to shipping my daughter off to nursery?! I was so sad when my eldest two started nursery, I actually shed a tear or two. While a part of me will be sad when A starts nursery, a bigger part knows she ready for it, and clearly so am I! We’ll still have two days a week alone together when she’s not in nursery and I’m not in work, and I think that time will become more special. Having the time to see to jobs while she is in nursery means that the time we do spend together can be spent doing fun things rather than chores.
So what do I want to achieve before I’m 33? I’d like to continue to work on this blog which was a long time coming. I’ve become quite proud of my little corner of the internet! I’d like to take the kids on their first overseas trip, which is what I say every year but we’ve always been too scared to take three littles to another country! We have briefly talked about going to Disneyland Paris next December for our 10 year wedding anniversary but I’ll already be 33 by then! Other than that I’m pretty content with things as they are! We could do with buying a new house in the next couple of years as we are slowly outgrowing this one, so we will be attempting to keep saving.
Roll on 33!